Monday, 20 April 2020

i have no idea what i'm doing.

I was going to try and write this in a more poetic way but I think at this point a train of thought works better, so apologies in advance for any cursing.

I'm sure you've noticed that this platform has gone AWOL the last few months which is probably a bit confusing saying as there's been no real explanation as to why. I was going to write a big apology and explanation but then I thought fuck it, I'm not actually sorry. I've wasted so much of my life apologising for things I have no need to be sorry for just because I thought it was what other people wanted to hear.

A few months ago I probably would've shared something personal that I wasn't ready to, but now I realise that keeping my mental health in check is the most important thing and that at the end of the day, this website really isn't about me at all.

I created Starry Eyed for the complete purpose of that. Before this I had a blog and youtube channel for a few years but gradually realised that I actually hated being the centre of attention, but I thought that's how I had to do it in order to be able to do all the 'behind the scenes' stuff that I found fun - editing, video concepts etc.

I've always been more interested in what other people have to say, and that's why I love this platform - it's not about ego or a competition, it's just a fun wee site where people can share their art! I think especially with everything going on at the minute, something simple and light hearted like this is what we need.

Originally I felt really inclined to keep posting as if everything was normal, and force myself to do this just to keep up with content but I'm honestly so glad I didn't. I don't want to pretend that I have my shit together when I don't in reality. But realistically, do any of us?

I think for people in their teens and twenties especially, this pressure to keep up appearances on social media is fucking ridiculous. Everyone's comparing their life to someone they know solely based by what they post on instagram.. 'she's got two kids and bought a house and I'm still living at home' or 'he's just started a high-up job in a company and I'm only starting to study now'.

We're all guilty of it. It's so easy to forget that everyone has their own shit going on, even when it doesn't seem like it from a perfectly curated insta feed. I'm just going to admit now that I have no idea what I'm doing. But i'm pretty sure you don't as well. And that's fine!! We've got so many years to figure shit out so I just think we should all admit that we're as clueless as each other and embrace it.

That's my two cents for the day.
Sorry  thank you for listening to my existential ramble if you made it this far!

All the best,
Orlagh xx

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